I'll be damned

I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti writin', soul suckin', son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friend's souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet!
- Bubba Hot-ep

I like graffiti. Now, I'm not talking about your standard spray paint scrawl you see covering every surface in urban areas. I find it an eyesore. I know some people call it an art form, personally I don't. However, I realize that's just my opinion and it's clearly open for debate. No, I'm talking about writing or at least actual artistic intent. I like the graffiti they found in Pompeii. I like the art of Banksy. On a condemned building in town someone did a Banksy style graffiti, a stencil of a naked woman holding her breasts. It was really quite beautiful. This town being full of college students as it is, someone later drew a mustache on her. While I appreciate the retro aspect of that addition (how Bugs Bunny), it kind of ruined it.

I like graffiti in college bathrooms. It's so hilariously political. In a bathroom down the hall there are comments about ex-President Bush written above the urinals. There's "stop the Bush Nazi's". It was probably written by either a militant left-wing undergrad or a professor. I'm guessing professor. This type of statement doesn't sit well with the redneck physical plant guys that also use the bathroom. One tried to scratch out the statement. There's another that reads "there's a terrorist behind every Bush". I thought that was rather clever. Then one of the physical plant guys added "yeah, comes right behind him in office." You have to give credit for the comeback. I don't think I could've done as well. I'm thinking about adding "wait, Obama is a terrorist? I thought he was a communist, I better go check Foxnews." Somehow I don't think that's really in the proper graffiti style. Too long.

Murdered!

Murdered! And someone's responsible!
- Plan 9 From Outer Space

Yesterday during the day kind of sucked. Yesternight during the night totally rocked. Why you ask? (ok, I know you're not asking why but if yesternight is really a word). Last night my girlfriend and I went to see a showing of Plan 9 From Outer Space. But wait, it gets better.

It was actually a Fathom Event. The event was a rebroadcast of a taping of a live Rifftrax session. I know I murdered that sentence, but the point is: Rifftrax! On August 20 of this year the Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy got together in a theater in Nashville, in front of a live audience and live broadcast to theaters around the country, and riffed over a showing of Plan 9. But it was even more than that. It was a whole goddamned show. They started with riffing on a short "Flight Stewardess". Then there was a "comedy" clip from the founder of SomethingAwful. Then Jonothan Coulton came out and sang a couple numbers. Then there was another "comedy" clip (both were pretty bad), then the boys came out and sang a song with Jonothan Coulton before finally going on to the main presentation.

Let me put it this way. I haven't laughed that hard since I was wandering around the North Carolina state fair making lolgoat jokes with a couple of people that shall go unnamed. I think I hurt something laughing. It was fucking hilarious and fucking awesome. I miss MST3K. I need to get into rifftrax.

Now just remember, sunlight is made of many atoms...

Like swallows to Capistrano

I've started writing on my thumb. Again.

This is not a good sign.

You're smart. I like you.

You're smart. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname.
- Slackers

I wish I had a really cool nickname. Like "Blind Owl" or "Earthquake". I have one nickname. In WoW I was given the name "Cane". It's not the name of my character or anything, and the origin is a long and boring story. It's a serviceable nickname, but it's not first class. That's the problem with nicknames, right? You can't give yourself one. I can't start walking around demanding people refer to me as "The General". Well, I couldn't without looking like a complete douche. Nicknames have to happen spontaneously. Maybe this is just an inclination that my life is too boring. That I haven't been part of anything awesome that would spontaneously lead to a badass nickname. Maybe it's a by-product of me being the type of person that could turn the lack of a nickname into an existential crisis.

I'm not normal, right? Yeah, that makes sense.

To have stared into the face of God

Gentlemen I have been there. I have stood upon the mountaintop and screamed into the heavens. I have stood before the burning bush and prostrated myself. I have walked on the surface of the sun and seen the glory in a grain of sand. I have strolled through the minds of artists and dreamers. I have been in the utopia of every religion. I have felt the rays of a thousand smiles of mothers seeing their newborn babes. I have tasted of divine fruits. I have sipped from fountains of gold. I have had a thousand screaming orgasms at once. I have now truly LIVED.

I have partaken of chocolate-covered bacon.

And it is good.

Ladies and gentlemen of the forum...

I was driving to work today when I saw a sign on the side of a building proclaiming it to be the residence of some schmoe, "Attorney at Law". Then it occurred to me, that's a rather ridiculous statement. If you are an attorney, aren't you already "at law"? I mean, you can't be an attorney for other things, can you? If so, I would want to be an Attorney at Internet. To be fully trained and certified to debate the internet. I would specialize in memes.

"In the landmark case of Geekpreserve vs. 'Teh Internets' it was established that the denizens of the Geekpreserve did in fact invent lolgoats before all others, and retain all rights and gratuities derived thereof."

Detritus, page 6

1. I really don't have much to say, but it's been over a month since my past blog post, which was short anyways. Felt I should say something.

2. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Hayek agenda is disturbing and wrong.

3. My girlfriends parents are coming in this weekend. As such, I'll get most of the weekend to myself, but I will be "meeting the parents". I am nervous as all hell. My girlfriend says there is no reason to be. But she is dating me, so clearly her judgment is impaired.

4. My health insurance is fucked up. Again. Of course, it gets fucked up right when I get sick and need to have insurance. It is slowly getting fixed, but too slowly. It has also forced me to go off my medication. Going off my anti-depressants makes me pissed off and grumpy, but that's not all that bad. However, going off my blood sugar medication makes me pissed off and very, very scared.

5. Taco, when do I get to read your new story? Also, I've sent a bunch of you fuckers links to new stories of mine over the past few months and I haven't heard a word. Are they that bad? They are, aren't they. I knew it. I need to finish my zombie story.

6. Let me preface this by saying that I am, under the best circumstances, a lazy fucker. That being said, this stupid mono has made me so utterly lethargic it's insane. My level of tiredness is noticeable over my usual laziness, which means it's pretty impressive. Today it is especially bad. I got into work at 12:45. I had to email the lab to tell them I'd be that late. I went to bed at 1 AM as per usual, woke up at 11:00, and all I wanted to do was fall back asleep. I laid in my bed for a half hour in this half-consciousness state, knowing that I could fall asleep at any second if I let myself. The real kicker? My sleep is no more restful than before. I still feel like I get 3 hours of sleep a night, even though I'm sleeping 11.

7. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Goonies agenda is disturbing and wrong.

8. I won't go into any detail here, but I just want to say that I wish I could enjoy sex like a normal human being. I have never felt more like a flawed and broken human than I have as of late.

9. "I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai." - Orson Welles

10. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-sex-with-fett agenda is disturbing and wrong.