Meep, meep. Hellbus.

So last night me and my girlfriend were fooling around, as couples are wont to do. I'm spending an inordinate amount of time on her boobs, cause, you know, boobs. Suddenly she shudders and collapses forward. "I just came," she says breathlessly. "That's a feat, no one has done that to me before" meaning orgasm through breastical stimulation. And all I can think is: BZZING. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.

I am a horrible person.

Also, if any of you reading this meet my girlfriend, don't mention I blogged about this. She'll kill me.

A post wherein I piss off Coyote

A little while ago I finally finished the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov. It took me a while. Do you know why? Because, frankly, they weren't that good. It was a struggle to get through them.

And I think I know why.

Also some time ago my girlfriend and I watched a couple Marx Brothers movies. She thought they were ok, but didn't enjoy them the way I did. The reason is because she doesn't have a comprehensive knowledge of classic cinema and therefore wasn't able to play them within the context of the larger cinematic whole. As movies themselves sometimes they aren't very funny. But when you compare them to other comedies of the time, they are fucking hysterical.

I don't have a comprehensive knowledge of sci fi literature. I don't. I haven't read all the science fiction that other people that read this blog might. This was my first Asimov experience. To others, they might be great books, with extreme historical significance to the world of sci fiction literature. To me, they were books filled with decent but underdeveloped ideas, hokey names, and utterly atrocious dialog. Oh yes, his dialog was terrible.

It seemed to me that Asimov would get an idea for something, and often the idea was pretty good, and he'd run with it for a while, then he'd get bored and just drop it. So many of his stories ended abruptly. "Well, I have spent a hundred pages developing this terrorist organization, but I'm bored so I'm just going to spend five pages telling the reader how they were caught and killed". There is a reason that Foundations Edge was the best book in the series. It was the only one where Asimov actually stayed on the same plotline for the length of the book.

My girlfriend tells me that Asimov has some really great 1-2 page short stories. I can believe it. Clearly the novel format is not his strong suit.

So yeah, thoroughly unimpressed. I realize this might make me something of a pariah around here, but it's the truth.

Now, after I'm done with the Castle book (which is meh), I think I'll hit some Cthulhu stuff. Probably be disappointed again.

This just in

I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you've got a brand new key.

The day is coming

Sometimes I feel like I am just playacting at being an adult, and at some point people will figure it out and take my job and apartment from me until I grow up.

Man....

I woke up today and my borogroves were all mimsy, my mome raths were outgrabing and my bandersnatch was positively frumious!

On a related note

Things that piss me off: #1435

What is it with people parking backwards in angled parking lots? Especially in parking garages that have unidirectional traffic flow. What the fuck is up with these douchebags. You are just making life more difficult for yourself. Park like a normal person, fucktard.

On the pressure of peers

Couple of days ago I went into my googledocs to send a share invite to Taco for some ideas I had so he could tell me how lame they were. Reading in between the Taco lines, they were lame. But while I was there I sent a share invite to my girlfriend so she could read my Thomas Waits story. She's read a couple other things by me, and I'm slowly meting out my stories to her. Turns out she seems to really like it. I mentioned how I submitted it for publication a couple times and it got rejected. Now she really really wants me to submit it and more stuff. To the point that we spent most of the evening at Barnes and Noble reading short fiction magazines so I could see which ones I should submit to. She made me...MADE ME...buy some of them.

This is a conspiracy, isn't it. You fuckers put her up to this, didn't you. Why do you hate me so?

(though I did see some that take novellas, which means I could submit Pebbleman....NO, THAT WAY LIES MADNESS)