Warning: Do not read if you have a weak constitution

So yesterday morning I had to come in early for a meeting. 10 minutes before the meeting I have to take a shit, so I head for the good bathroom. There are two bathrooms on the floor. One is nicer and newer, but as such it gets a lot more traffic. The other bathroom is really old, tiled like a 1950's insane asylum and hardly anyone uses it. That's why I like it, because I am a primal being and I like to do my business in private. However, the stalls in the old bathroom have 1 inch gaps on either side of the doors, so privacy is pretty much nil. Therefore, when I need to take a shit I head for the new bathroom.

When I get there, someone is in the neighboring stall. Which, again, I don't like to have an audience, and this guy is clearly taking his time. He ain't moving any time soon. But I have to get my shit done in a short amount of time, because the meeting is within minutes. So I sit down thinking "buddy, you are going to hear things cause I don't have time to wait you out." So I let the symphony warm up with a "pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft pfft pfft". Immediately after, I hear "BRUNG BRUNG BRUNG" as the guy next door manically tears at the toilet paper. There is a sense of frenzy as he finishes up and flees the bathroom.

So how am I feeling now? Am I ashamed from having drove a person from my vicinity with a bodily function? No. No, I am exultant. I am proud. My territorial display his driven an interloper from my lands. This is my territory. I am the alpha male of this bathroom.

I finish up and stride to my meeting. All beware my primal nature.

Wild and crazy times

My evening last night consisted of making a fake turkey dinner for my girlfriend (Jenny-O turkey roast, instant mashed potatoes and boxed stuffing), forcing her to watch Marx Brothers movies, and concluding the evening with an impromptu and prolonged tickle-fight. We are either the lamest or coolest people around. I prefer to believe the latter.