Top 5 questions missing from the eHarmony personality profile.
(Yes I created an eHarmony account. This may have been an error.)
5. Would you like a Herts Donut?
4. What is your standard salad dressing of choice in restaurants?
3. Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
2. Are you a cat person or a dog person?
1. *mumblemumble*breastsize?*mumble*
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7 comments:
I will now answer your questions to see if we are compatible.
5. I don't know what a Herts donut is but I like donuts so, sure.
4. Italian except at one place I go where all they serve is their own house dressing which is so good I could damn near drink it with dinner.
3. Strength, generosity, love, love, love.
2. Yes.
1. All sizes, all the time.
Anyway, nothing wrong with services like these. It seems to be the wave of the future. Is eHarmony the one that doesn't allow gays to join? If it is I'll have to browbeat you about giving them your business.
5. *punches you in the stomach* Hurts, don't it? You fail that question.
4. The correct answer is RANCH, said in as loud a voice as possible. You fail that question.
3. You didn't answer in the proper Blade Runner response. You fail that question.
2. Cats > dogs. You fail that question.
1. You answered this question correctly.
I'm sorry, you failed 4 out of 5 questions, we are not compatible. I'm afraid we'll have to go back to the meaningless sex. I hope that is ok.
Also, based upon certain menu selections I'd say it's very likely that eHarmony doesn't accomodate gays, which isn't cool. The only reason I went with them is that my friend met her husband through eHarmony. Too late now. Oh well.
I was having a mama's boy day so I went with the actual stuff. I DON'T CARE I LOVE MY MAMA!!
I'm wretchedly allergic to male cats but only males. I had a female named Kalliope for 13 years. I miss her still. But I do love dogs.
Ranch is gross to look at so I can't eat it.
Seriously, what's a Herts?
Meaningless sex is ok by me. I;m not looking to get married any time soon and I think I fucked around and got engaged recently anyway. I'll need to do some research on that.
I say fuck it, join some of the others too. The more chum you throw the greater the chance you'll get a shark, right?
5. It hurts, don't it? (hertz, donut) Worse is if you press that red button up on the ceiling (get's thumped in the throat). And you know, only boys make up these ways to torture each other physically.
4. Love me some spicy soy, but can only find it at hibachi restaurants. Besides that, vinegar based that I make myself. Ranch is fabulous with broccoli to dip in, though.
3. It's been too long since I've seen Blade Runner. I think even my mom hates me for that.
2. DOG person. Or wild cats. But I'm part dog, so I really am a dog person. But I grew up with, at highest count, 23 cats (4 dogs, chickens, a mean-ass bantam fighting rooster, and some rabbits).
1. proportional. Size triple Z on a 90 pound women = scary to me.
I hate Krispy Kreme. That's right, I said it!
I hate krispy creme too.
5. I like donuts, so yes.
4. Thousand Island where available. Otherwise, ranch. I must sniff the ranch before getting it anywhere near my salad though.
3. She puts up with my shit, and has lately eased up on the "when are you going to settle down?" speeches. Ergo, she is awesome.
2. Cat. Dogs hate me.
1. The importance of breast size is dependent on the location of the breasts in question to my face. The closer they are, the less I care. Go, team boobs!
You can't disown me! I'm too fucking cool. Plus, I'm very very good looking. What were we talking about?
Tim, how can you say dogs hate you when I want to touch your naughty bits? Woof.
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