You're smart. I like you.

You're smart. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname.
- Slackers

I wish I had a really cool nickname. Like "Blind Owl" or "Earthquake". I have one nickname. In WoW I was given the name "Cane". It's not the name of my character or anything, and the origin is a long and boring story. It's a serviceable nickname, but it's not first class. That's the problem with nicknames, right? You can't give yourself one. I can't start walking around demanding people refer to me as "The General". Well, I couldn't without looking like a complete douche. Nicknames have to happen spontaneously. Maybe this is just an inclination that my life is too boring. That I haven't been part of anything awesome that would spontaneously lead to a badass nickname. Maybe it's a by-product of me being the type of person that could turn the lack of a nickname into an existential crisis.

I'm not normal, right? Yeah, that makes sense.

To have stared into the face of God

Gentlemen I have been there. I have stood upon the mountaintop and screamed into the heavens. I have stood before the burning bush and prostrated myself. I have walked on the surface of the sun and seen the glory in a grain of sand. I have strolled through the minds of artists and dreamers. I have been in the utopia of every religion. I have felt the rays of a thousand smiles of mothers seeing their newborn babes. I have tasted of divine fruits. I have sipped from fountains of gold. I have had a thousand screaming orgasms at once. I have now truly LIVED.

I have partaken of chocolate-covered bacon.

And it is good.

Ladies and gentlemen of the forum...

I was driving to work today when I saw a sign on the side of a building proclaiming it to be the residence of some schmoe, "Attorney at Law". Then it occurred to me, that's a rather ridiculous statement. If you are an attorney, aren't you already "at law"? I mean, you can't be an attorney for other things, can you? If so, I would want to be an Attorney at Internet. To be fully trained and certified to debate the internet. I would specialize in memes.

"In the landmark case of Geekpreserve vs. 'Teh Internets' it was established that the denizens of the Geekpreserve did in fact invent lolgoats before all others, and retain all rights and gratuities derived thereof."