This just in

I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you've got a brand new key.

The day is coming

Sometimes I feel like I am just playacting at being an adult, and at some point people will figure it out and take my job and apartment from me until I grow up.

Man....

I woke up today and my borogroves were all mimsy, my mome raths were outgrabing and my bandersnatch was positively frumious!

On a related note

Things that piss me off: #1435

What is it with people parking backwards in angled parking lots? Especially in parking garages that have unidirectional traffic flow. What the fuck is up with these douchebags. You are just making life more difficult for yourself. Park like a normal person, fucktard.

On the pressure of peers

Couple of days ago I went into my googledocs to send a share invite to Taco for some ideas I had so he could tell me how lame they were. Reading in between the Taco lines, they were lame. But while I was there I sent a share invite to my girlfriend so she could read my Thomas Waits story. She's read a couple other things by me, and I'm slowly meting out my stories to her. Turns out she seems to really like it. I mentioned how I submitted it for publication a couple times and it got rejected. Now she really really wants me to submit it and more stuff. To the point that we spent most of the evening at Barnes and Noble reading short fiction magazines so I could see which ones I should submit to. She made me...MADE ME...buy some of them.

This is a conspiracy, isn't it. You fuckers put her up to this, didn't you. Why do you hate me so?

(though I did see some that take novellas, which means I could submit Pebbleman....NO, THAT WAY LIES MADNESS)

Warning: Do not read if you have a weak constitution

So yesterday morning I had to come in early for a meeting. 10 minutes before the meeting I have to take a shit, so I head for the good bathroom. There are two bathrooms on the floor. One is nicer and newer, but as such it gets a lot more traffic. The other bathroom is really old, tiled like a 1950's insane asylum and hardly anyone uses it. That's why I like it, because I am a primal being and I like to do my business in private. However, the stalls in the old bathroom have 1 inch gaps on either side of the doors, so privacy is pretty much nil. Therefore, when I need to take a shit I head for the new bathroom.

When I get there, someone is in the neighboring stall. Which, again, I don't like to have an audience, and this guy is clearly taking his time. He ain't moving any time soon. But I have to get my shit done in a short amount of time, because the meeting is within minutes. So I sit down thinking "buddy, you are going to hear things cause I don't have time to wait you out." So I let the symphony warm up with a "pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft pfft pfft". Immediately after, I hear "BRUNG BRUNG BRUNG" as the guy next door manically tears at the toilet paper. There is a sense of frenzy as he finishes up and flees the bathroom.

So how am I feeling now? Am I ashamed from having drove a person from my vicinity with a bodily function? No. No, I am exultant. I am proud. My territorial display his driven an interloper from my lands. This is my territory. I am the alpha male of this bathroom.

I finish up and stride to my meeting. All beware my primal nature.

Wild and crazy times

My evening last night consisted of making a fake turkey dinner for my girlfriend (Jenny-O turkey roast, instant mashed potatoes and boxed stuffing), forcing her to watch Marx Brothers movies, and concluding the evening with an impromptu and prolonged tickle-fight. We are either the lamest or coolest people around. I prefer to believe the latter.