So my toilet clogged yesterday. On Christmas. Happy Holidays to me. And I appear to have gotten rid of my plunger when I moved to Indiana. So I had little recourse on this one. Fortunately my apartment has a second bathroom so I was not, if you pardon the phrase, up shit creek. I simply had to bide my time until today when the stores re-opened. So today I went to Lowe's and picked up some supplies. There I am at the checkout, and the checkout lady takes a look at my haul. She looks at my plunger, two bottles of foaming pipe snake (for an unrelated pipe clog) and bottle of CLR, she looks at me and she says "good luck with that".
Yeah, that kind of made my day.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Be seeing you
Be seeing you
- The Prisoner
It is upon us. This Sunday AMC's remake of the classic and iconic cult television show The Prisoner premieres. I feel a surprising amount of hatred toward this show I haven't even seen. It's a combination of factors. First, it's a remake, which automatically deducts 50 points. Second, it's a remake of a show that should not be remade. The original is certainly not for everyone, but it is very much a product of it's age. The themes and context of the original will be lost on modern audiences. That's if they are even kept. Indications indicate they will not.
I read an article about the remake, which can be found here. Okay. Okay. Let's at least try to keep an open mind. Hmmm, they've got Ian Mckellan playing Number 2, that's a good sign, he's a good actor. I like the change in venue from Wales to a playland village in Nambia. The idea of the idyllic village being surrounded by desert is actually pretty cool. And they are keeping the Rovers, though I fear not in quite the same incarnation. Patrick Mcgoohan even indicated he was interested in playing Number 2 in this series shortly before his death.
But even as my hopes were building just slightly, they crashed. First, not only will they have the same Number 2 throughout the entire series, but they are giving him a wife and a "troubled teenage son". They even hint that some people will consider him the hero! The guy they got playing Number 6 refused to watch the original series "for fear of absorbing too much of McGoohan’s bravura performance." And it turns out Ian Mckellan doesn't even like the original series. He thinks it's crap. How can you have someone in a remake that doesn't even respect the source material? They are making Number 6 part of a "love triangle"? Oh come ON, that's just cheap. And as a final crushing blow, they are changing the main message from one of individualism to one embracing "community". Taken together, these facts indicate a remake that doesn't even embrace its source material, but instead stole the gimmick to support its own cheap, bankrupt "storytelling" (read: moneymaking).
AMC has been making a name for itself with original television series of late with the critical success of Mad Men. Frankly, any station that supports Christina Hendricks and her...ahem...assetts is ok in my book. But this project doesn't look like a way of modernizing a taut psychological thriller. It's look like a project stealing a conceit, hoping to draw in viewers based on name recognition of a source material it so blatantly disregards, and substituting cheap nighttime drama plotlines (troubled teenage son?) instead of pschological questions and discussions on the nature of reality, personal will and personal morality. Perhaps I'm wrong. I'm basing my assumptions on little actual input, I admit. But all the evidence so far is less than encouraging. Time will tell. But in a world where National Treasure is considered gold while films like Children of Men are overlooked, I harbor little hope for taste in general.
- The Prisoner
It is upon us. This Sunday AMC's remake of the classic and iconic cult television show The Prisoner premieres. I feel a surprising amount of hatred toward this show I haven't even seen. It's a combination of factors. First, it's a remake, which automatically deducts 50 points. Second, it's a remake of a show that should not be remade. The original is certainly not for everyone, but it is very much a product of it's age. The themes and context of the original will be lost on modern audiences. That's if they are even kept. Indications indicate they will not.
I read an article about the remake, which can be found here. Okay. Okay. Let's at least try to keep an open mind. Hmmm, they've got Ian Mckellan playing Number 2, that's a good sign, he's a good actor. I like the change in venue from Wales to a playland village in Nambia. The idea of the idyllic village being surrounded by desert is actually pretty cool. And they are keeping the Rovers, though I fear not in quite the same incarnation. Patrick Mcgoohan even indicated he was interested in playing Number 2 in this series shortly before his death.
But even as my hopes were building just slightly, they crashed. First, not only will they have the same Number 2 throughout the entire series, but they are giving him a wife and a "troubled teenage son". They even hint that some people will consider him the hero! The guy they got playing Number 6 refused to watch the original series "for fear of absorbing too much of McGoohan’s bravura performance." And it turns out Ian Mckellan doesn't even like the original series. He thinks it's crap. How can you have someone in a remake that doesn't even respect the source material? They are making Number 6 part of a "love triangle"? Oh come ON, that's just cheap. And as a final crushing blow, they are changing the main message from one of individualism to one embracing "community". Taken together, these facts indicate a remake that doesn't even embrace its source material, but instead stole the gimmick to support its own cheap, bankrupt "storytelling" (read: moneymaking).
AMC has been making a name for itself with original television series of late with the critical success of Mad Men. Frankly, any station that supports Christina Hendricks and her...ahem...assetts is ok in my book. But this project doesn't look like a way of modernizing a taut psychological thriller. It's look like a project stealing a conceit, hoping to draw in viewers based on name recognition of a source material it so blatantly disregards, and substituting cheap nighttime drama plotlines (troubled teenage son?) instead of pschological questions and discussions on the nature of reality, personal will and personal morality. Perhaps I'm wrong. I'm basing my assumptions on little actual input, I admit. But all the evidence so far is less than encouraging. Time will tell. But in a world where National Treasure is considered gold while films like Children of Men are overlooked, I harbor little hope for taste in general.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Top 5: Boogie of the Top 5
Top 5 songs that make me dance even though I hate dancing
5. Better Not Look Down - BB King
4. Shake a Tail Feather - Ray Charles
3. Hook, Line and Sinker - Chris Smither
2. Chicago - Ramsay Midwood
1. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
5. Better Not Look Down - BB King
4. Shake a Tail Feather - Ray Charles
3. Hook, Line and Sinker - Chris Smither
2. Chicago - Ramsay Midwood
1. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
Friday, October 23, 2009
I'll be damned
I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti writin', soul suckin', son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friend's souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet!
- Bubba Hot-ep
I like graffiti. Now, I'm not talking about your standard spray paint scrawl you see covering every surface in urban areas. I find it an eyesore. I know some people call it an art form, personally I don't. However, I realize that's just my opinion and it's clearly open for debate. No, I'm talking about writing or at least actual artistic intent. I like the graffiti they found in Pompeii. I like the art of Banksy. On a condemned building in town someone did a Banksy style graffiti, a stencil of a naked woman holding her breasts. It was really quite beautiful. This town being full of college students as it is, someone later drew a mustache on her. While I appreciate the retro aspect of that addition (how Bugs Bunny), it kind of ruined it.
I like graffiti in college bathrooms. It's so hilariously political. In a bathroom down the hall there are comments about ex-President Bush written above the urinals. There's "stop the Bush Nazi's". It was probably written by either a militant left-wing undergrad or a professor. I'm guessing professor. This type of statement doesn't sit well with the redneck physical plant guys that also use the bathroom. One tried to scratch out the statement. There's another that reads "there's a terrorist behind every Bush". I thought that was rather clever. Then one of the physical plant guys added "yeah, comes right behind him in office." You have to give credit for the comeback. I don't think I could've done as well. I'm thinking about adding "wait, Obama is a terrorist? I thought he was a communist, I better go check Foxnews." Somehow I don't think that's really in the proper graffiti style. Too long.
- Bubba Hot-ep
I like graffiti. Now, I'm not talking about your standard spray paint scrawl you see covering every surface in urban areas. I find it an eyesore. I know some people call it an art form, personally I don't. However, I realize that's just my opinion and it's clearly open for debate. No, I'm talking about writing or at least actual artistic intent. I like the graffiti they found in Pompeii. I like the art of Banksy. On a condemned building in town someone did a Banksy style graffiti, a stencil of a naked woman holding her breasts. It was really quite beautiful. This town being full of college students as it is, someone later drew a mustache on her. While I appreciate the retro aspect of that addition (how Bugs Bunny), it kind of ruined it.
I like graffiti in college bathrooms. It's so hilariously political. In a bathroom down the hall there are comments about ex-President Bush written above the urinals. There's "stop the Bush Nazi's". It was probably written by either a militant left-wing undergrad or a professor. I'm guessing professor. This type of statement doesn't sit well with the redneck physical plant guys that also use the bathroom. One tried to scratch out the statement. There's another that reads "there's a terrorist behind every Bush". I thought that was rather clever. Then one of the physical plant guys added "yeah, comes right behind him in office." You have to give credit for the comeback. I don't think I could've done as well. I'm thinking about adding "wait, Obama is a terrorist? I thought he was a communist, I better go check Foxnews." Somehow I don't think that's really in the proper graffiti style. Too long.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Murdered!
Murdered! And someone's responsible!
- Plan 9 From Outer Space
Yesterday during the day kind of sucked. Yesternight during the night totally rocked. Why you ask? (ok, I know you're not asking why but if yesternight is really a word). Last night my girlfriend and I went to see a showing of Plan 9 From Outer Space. But wait, it gets better.
It was actually a Fathom Event. The event was a rebroadcast of a taping of a live Rifftrax session. I know I murdered that sentence, but the point is: Rifftrax! On August 20 of this year the Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy got together in a theater in Nashville, in front of a live audience and live broadcast to theaters around the country, and riffed over a showing of Plan 9. But it was even more than that. It was a whole goddamned show. They started with riffing on a short "Flight Stewardess". Then there was a "comedy" clip from the founder of SomethingAwful. Then Jonothan Coulton came out and sang a couple numbers. Then there was another "comedy" clip (both were pretty bad), then the boys came out and sang a song with Jonothan Coulton before finally going on to the main presentation.
Let me put it this way. I haven't laughed that hard since I was wandering around the North Carolina state fair making lolgoat jokes with a couple of people that shall go unnamed. I think I hurt something laughing. It was fucking hilarious and fucking awesome. I miss MST3K. I need to get into rifftrax.
Now just remember, sunlight is made of many atoms...
- Plan 9 From Outer Space
Yesterday during the day kind of sucked. Yesternight during the night totally rocked. Why you ask? (ok, I know you're not asking why but if yesternight is really a word). Last night my girlfriend and I went to see a showing of Plan 9 From Outer Space. But wait, it gets better.
It was actually a Fathom Event. The event was a rebroadcast of a taping of a live Rifftrax session. I know I murdered that sentence, but the point is: Rifftrax! On August 20 of this year the Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy got together in a theater in Nashville, in front of a live audience and live broadcast to theaters around the country, and riffed over a showing of Plan 9. But it was even more than that. It was a whole goddamned show. They started with riffing on a short "Flight Stewardess". Then there was a "comedy" clip from the founder of SomethingAwful. Then Jonothan Coulton came out and sang a couple numbers. Then there was another "comedy" clip (both were pretty bad), then the boys came out and sang a song with Jonothan Coulton before finally going on to the main presentation.
Let me put it this way. I haven't laughed that hard since I was wandering around the North Carolina state fair making lolgoat jokes with a couple of people that shall go unnamed. I think I hurt something laughing. It was fucking hilarious and fucking awesome. I miss MST3K. I need to get into rifftrax.
Now just remember, sunlight is made of many atoms...
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
You're smart. I like you.
You're smart. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname.
- Slackers
I wish I had a really cool nickname. Like "Blind Owl" or "Earthquake". I have one nickname. In WoW I was given the name "Cane". It's not the name of my character or anything, and the origin is a long and boring story. It's a serviceable nickname, but it's not first class. That's the problem with nicknames, right? You can't give yourself one. I can't start walking around demanding people refer to me as "The General". Well, I couldn't without looking like a complete douche. Nicknames have to happen spontaneously. Maybe this is just an inclination that my life is too boring. That I haven't been part of anything awesome that would spontaneously lead to a badass nickname. Maybe it's a by-product of me being the type of person that could turn the lack of a nickname into an existential crisis.
I'm not normal, right? Yeah, that makes sense.
- Slackers
I wish I had a really cool nickname. Like "Blind Owl" or "Earthquake". I have one nickname. In WoW I was given the name "Cane". It's not the name of my character or anything, and the origin is a long and boring story. It's a serviceable nickname, but it's not first class. That's the problem with nicknames, right? You can't give yourself one. I can't start walking around demanding people refer to me as "The General". Well, I couldn't without looking like a complete douche. Nicknames have to happen spontaneously. Maybe this is just an inclination that my life is too boring. That I haven't been part of anything awesome that would spontaneously lead to a badass nickname. Maybe it's a by-product of me being the type of person that could turn the lack of a nickname into an existential crisis.
I'm not normal, right? Yeah, that makes sense.
Monday, September 28, 2009
To have stared into the face of God
Gentlemen I have been there. I have stood upon the mountaintop and screamed into the heavens. I have stood before the burning bush and prostrated myself. I have walked on the surface of the sun and seen the glory in a grain of sand. I have strolled through the minds of artists and dreamers. I have been in the utopia of every religion. I have felt the rays of a thousand smiles of mothers seeing their newborn babes. I have tasted of divine fruits. I have sipped from fountains of gold. I have had a thousand screaming orgasms at once. I have now truly LIVED.
I have partaken of chocolate-covered bacon.
And it is good.
I have partaken of chocolate-covered bacon.
And it is good.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen of the forum...
I was driving to work today when I saw a sign on the side of a building proclaiming it to be the residence of some schmoe, "Attorney at Law". Then it occurred to me, that's a rather ridiculous statement. If you are an attorney, aren't you already "at law"? I mean, you can't be an attorney for other things, can you? If so, I would want to be an Attorney at Internet. To be fully trained and certified to debate the internet. I would specialize in memes.
"In the landmark case of Geekpreserve vs. 'Teh Internets' it was established that the denizens of the Geekpreserve did in fact invent lolgoats before all others, and retain all rights and gratuities derived thereof."
"In the landmark case of Geekpreserve vs. 'Teh Internets' it was established that the denizens of the Geekpreserve did in fact invent lolgoats before all others, and retain all rights and gratuities derived thereof."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Detritus, page 6
1. I really don't have much to say, but it's been over a month since my past blog post, which was short anyways. Felt I should say something.
2. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Hayek agenda is disturbing and wrong.
3. My girlfriends parents are coming in this weekend. As such, I'll get most of the weekend to myself, but I will be "meeting the parents". I am nervous as all hell. My girlfriend says there is no reason to be. But she is dating me, so clearly her judgment is impaired.
4. My health insurance is fucked up. Again. Of course, it gets fucked up right when I get sick and need to have insurance. It is slowly getting fixed, but too slowly. It has also forced me to go off my medication. Going off my anti-depressants makes me pissed off and grumpy, but that's not all that bad. However, going off my blood sugar medication makes me pissed off and very, very scared.
5. Taco, when do I get to read your new story? Also, I've sent a bunch of you fuckers links to new stories of mine over the past few months and I haven't heard a word. Are they that bad? They are, aren't they. I knew it. I need to finish my zombie story.
6. Let me preface this by saying that I am, under the best circumstances, a lazy fucker. That being said, this stupid mono has made me so utterly lethargic it's insane. My level of tiredness is noticeable over my usual laziness, which means it's pretty impressive. Today it is especially bad. I got into work at 12:45. I had to email the lab to tell them I'd be that late. I went to bed at 1 AM as per usual, woke up at 11:00, and all I wanted to do was fall back asleep. I laid in my bed for a half hour in this half-consciousness state, knowing that I could fall asleep at any second if I let myself. The real kicker? My sleep is no more restful than before. I still feel like I get 3 hours of sleep a night, even though I'm sleeping 11.
7. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Goonies agenda is disturbing and wrong.
8. I won't go into any detail here, but I just want to say that I wish I could enjoy sex like a normal human being. I have never felt more like a flawed and broken human than I have as of late.
9. "I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai." - Orson Welles
10. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-sex-with-fett agenda is disturbing and wrong.
2. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Hayek agenda is disturbing and wrong.
3. My girlfriends parents are coming in this weekend. As such, I'll get most of the weekend to myself, but I will be "meeting the parents". I am nervous as all hell. My girlfriend says there is no reason to be. But she is dating me, so clearly her judgment is impaired.
4. My health insurance is fucked up. Again. Of course, it gets fucked up right when I get sick and need to have insurance. It is slowly getting fixed, but too slowly. It has also forced me to go off my medication. Going off my anti-depressants makes me pissed off and grumpy, but that's not all that bad. However, going off my blood sugar medication makes me pissed off and very, very scared.
5. Taco, when do I get to read your new story? Also, I've sent a bunch of you fuckers links to new stories of mine over the past few months and I haven't heard a word. Are they that bad? They are, aren't they. I knew it. I need to finish my zombie story.
6. Let me preface this by saying that I am, under the best circumstances, a lazy fucker. That being said, this stupid mono has made me so utterly lethargic it's insane. My level of tiredness is noticeable over my usual laziness, which means it's pretty impressive. Today it is especially bad. I got into work at 12:45. I had to email the lab to tell them I'd be that late. I went to bed at 1 AM as per usual, woke up at 11:00, and all I wanted to do was fall back asleep. I laid in my bed for a half hour in this half-consciousness state, knowing that I could fall asleep at any second if I let myself. The real kicker? My sleep is no more restful than before. I still feel like I get 3 hours of sleep a night, even though I'm sleeping 11.
7. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-Goonies agenda is disturbing and wrong.
8. I won't go into any detail here, but I just want to say that I wish I could enjoy sex like a normal human being. I have never felt more like a flawed and broken human than I have as of late.
9. "I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai." - Orson Welles
10. Taco, what the fuck man? Seriously, your anti-sex-with-fett agenda is disturbing and wrong.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
It never rained
"It never rained on the night of the Larrabee party, the Larrabees wouldn't have stood for it."
- Sabrina
I just got back from a picture-card wedding for picture-card people. On the drive back from Greencastle I passed through a town called Carp. I think it was a town. There was a blip on my GPS call Carp and I saw a metal pole with a small green sign proclaiming. For all I know, it's the home of a really famous fish. In any event, I decided that I need to write a story titled A Town Called Carp. It will be the story of a small backwoods Indiana town that houses an amateur mystical circus/freak show. It will be run by a 700 year-old Chinese man. Any weary traveller that should pass through will have their dreams turned to nightmares in the various attractions.
This may or may not be the plot to the Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.
Yeah, I really shouldn't be let out without adult supervision.
On a side note, tonight I feel very, very alone.
- Sabrina
I just got back from a picture-card wedding for picture-card people. On the drive back from Greencastle I passed through a town called Carp. I think it was a town. There was a blip on my GPS call Carp and I saw a metal pole with a small green sign proclaiming. For all I know, it's the home of a really famous fish. In any event, I decided that I need to write a story titled A Town Called Carp. It will be the story of a small backwoods Indiana town that houses an amateur mystical circus/freak show. It will be run by a 700 year-old Chinese man. Any weary traveller that should pass through will have their dreams turned to nightmares in the various attractions.
This may or may not be the plot to the Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.
Yeah, I really shouldn't be let out without adult supervision.
On a side note, tonight I feel very, very alone.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball
Serving size: one fett
Contains: 77% fail, 12% mental disorders, 5% shame, 2% cholesterol, 2% procrastination, 1% potassium benzoate, 1% ibuprofen. Also contains trace amounts of: lulz, internet memes, scientific humor, Dr. Pepper and Red #5.
Does not contain: win, creativity, physical fitness, hope, pesticides or self esteem.
The Surgeon General recommends pregnant women, those with compromised immune systems and pretty much everyone to not use fett. Those that do should avoid prolonged exposure. If taken internally, consult a physician immediately.
Contains: 77% fail, 12% mental disorders, 5% shame, 2% cholesterol, 2% procrastination, 1% potassium benzoate, 1% ibuprofen. Also contains trace amounts of: lulz, internet memes, scientific humor, Dr. Pepper and Red #5.
Does not contain: win, creativity, physical fitness, hope, pesticides or self esteem.
The Surgeon General recommends pregnant women, those with compromised immune systems and pretty much everyone to not use fett. Those that do should avoid prolonged exposure. If taken internally, consult a physician immediately.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Detritus, page 5
1. It occurred to me last night that there are probably entire generations of children out there that don't know the taste of a hamburger grilled over charcoal. That made me sad.
2. I'm rooting for Castle. And not because of the female lead that appeals to me in ways I can't even count. Ok, not JUST because of the female lead that appeals to me in ways I can't even count.
3. It turns out Christopher Walken's twitter isn't actually done by Christopher Walken but a group of...literaries may be the correct term? This lessens the awesomeness of it a little. But only a little. I like to imagine somewhere Christopher Walken is reading it and laughing. It helps if you read in the entries with Christopher Walken's voice in your head.
4. I'm playing Dwarf Fortress again. Not Gravelscarred though, I think that fortress has run its course. Which is sad, I have a fond affection for Momuz, Lor the Butcher and Kogan the Weapon. I started a new fortress but abadoned it after a short while. I was trying to get too cute with my stockpiles and work-flow, trying to think too much through it. That's not the way to play Dwarf Fortress. The way to play it is what I did on my next one, which is just let it rip. Start doing stuff without planning and make it all work. Then, once everything is working, build something incredibly stupid and pointless. In Gravelscarred with the Great Tower of Gravelscarred, made of smoothed microcline and clear glass. In my new fortress, Gemwild, it's fun with water. I'm pumping water up 20 stories or so into the mountain into a reservoir which with then split into three paths. One will be a canal district, a stream of water spiraling around a huge carved cavern into a pool at the bottom, and lining the canal will be shops (it's a tourist trap!). The second will be a giant five story sculpted fountain. The third is a series of a couple small waterfalls, the highest is a nice nook for your lovers to hang out. All three paths will join up to form a giant 7 story waterfall. There is absolutely no reason to do this. Which is why it's fun.
5. ........hhhhhhhhhhnn
6. I feel bad that I didn't send my compilation CD to everyone, but not bad enough to do anything about it. There is an explanation, but it's not worth going into at the moment.
7. My mothers boyfriend made a gift to me a copy of Watchmen. I'm reading it before I see the movie. I'm trying to balance the hype with realistic expectations. To be perfectly honest, I'm just not that into comic books.
8. I need a girlfriend. I won't say more than that. I shouldn't have said that to begin with, but it wouldn't be a Detritus if I didn't complain about it. Consider my duty done.
9. I'm teaching a class tomorrow and Friday. First year graduate students. I'm not nervous at all. I simply don't care. I should probably be taking it more serious than I am, but oh well. This will be my life (hopefully), no point in getting worked up about it. I really don't even have to prepare anything. No slides. Just stand up in front of them and ask them questions about papers I've chosen. It's the laziest way to run a class ever, and probably the most effective.
10. I love Spaced. So very much.
2. I'm rooting for Castle. And not because of the female lead that appeals to me in ways I can't even count. Ok, not JUST because of the female lead that appeals to me in ways I can't even count.
3. It turns out Christopher Walken's twitter isn't actually done by Christopher Walken but a group of...literaries may be the correct term? This lessens the awesomeness of it a little. But only a little. I like to imagine somewhere Christopher Walken is reading it and laughing. It helps if you read in the entries with Christopher Walken's voice in your head.
4. I'm playing Dwarf Fortress again. Not Gravelscarred though, I think that fortress has run its course. Which is sad, I have a fond affection for Momuz, Lor the Butcher and Kogan the Weapon. I started a new fortress but abadoned it after a short while. I was trying to get too cute with my stockpiles and work-flow, trying to think too much through it. That's not the way to play Dwarf Fortress. The way to play it is what I did on my next one, which is just let it rip. Start doing stuff without planning and make it all work. Then, once everything is working, build something incredibly stupid and pointless. In Gravelscarred with the Great Tower of Gravelscarred, made of smoothed microcline and clear glass. In my new fortress, Gemwild, it's fun with water. I'm pumping water up 20 stories or so into the mountain into a reservoir which with then split into three paths. One will be a canal district, a stream of water spiraling around a huge carved cavern into a pool at the bottom, and lining the canal will be shops (it's a tourist trap!). The second will be a giant five story sculpted fountain. The third is a series of a couple small waterfalls, the highest is a nice nook for your lovers to hang out. All three paths will join up to form a giant 7 story waterfall. There is absolutely no reason to do this. Which is why it's fun.
5. ........hhhhhhhhhhnn
6. I feel bad that I didn't send my compilation CD to everyone, but not bad enough to do anything about it. There is an explanation, but it's not worth going into at the moment.
7. My mothers boyfriend made a gift to me a copy of Watchmen. I'm reading it before I see the movie. I'm trying to balance the hype with realistic expectations. To be perfectly honest, I'm just not that into comic books.
8. I need a girlfriend. I won't say more than that. I shouldn't have said that to begin with, but it wouldn't be a Detritus if I didn't complain about it. Consider my duty done.
9. I'm teaching a class tomorrow and Friday. First year graduate students. I'm not nervous at all. I simply don't care. I should probably be taking it more serious than I am, but oh well. This will be my life (hopefully), no point in getting worked up about it. I really don't even have to prepare anything. No slides. Just stand up in front of them and ask them questions about papers I've chosen. It's the laziest way to run a class ever, and probably the most effective.
10. I love Spaced. So very much.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
With apologies to Taco
I'm stealing his COTD format. This is a snippet of conversation from Coyote trying to convince me to submit a story to some writers workshop, of which I was predictably evasive about agreeing to.
Fett: I have to go do some work, you have 15-20 minutes to convince me A) that I should submit something and B) that I should write something new for it.
Aaaaaaaand go
CoyoteExile: What's to convince? A workshop that is directed at the weirder end of the spectrum, unlike the others. With a roster of instructors that makes me want to camp outside the hotel even when they turn me down. I've talked to a few people that have gotten in and they rave about it like a life changing event
CoyoteExile: Even not getting in is a plus in that it motivates you to not only write but to write to impress
CoyoteExile: The guy that runs the thing and runs Borderlands Press besides has told me before that plugging away is critical. People will eventually remember your name from multiple submittals and start giving you more of their time, even if they say no
CoyoteExile: Plus, I'll tell Blue if you don't
Fett: the last one is probably the most critical point
CoyoteExile: Yep
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Just cause it needs to be said
Fuck Valentines Day. And all you people that have managed to find your special someone? You can get fucked too. I hope you die in the proverbial fire. That's right, you heard me. In the finest southern tradition I give you a "fuck all yall".
I am more bitter than man.
I am more bitter than man.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
That's one
That's one down, Kitty Carlisle
- Hudson Hawk
I asked CSG out to dinner. She's seeing someone. I am disappointed. And so it goes. Back to feeling shitty about myself.
- Hudson Hawk
I asked CSG out to dinner. She's seeing someone. I am disappointed. And so it goes. Back to feeling shitty about myself.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Her real name's Ian
Brian: Her real name's Ian
Tim: What do you mean "her real name's Ian"?
Brian: She's non-gender-specific
Tim: Oh what, you mean like a tranny?
Brian: More than that.
Tim: What, a big fat tranny?
- Spaced
I shall now recount my evening among the trannies.
Thurday afternoon I was flipping through the school newspaper to get to the crossword and sudoku (which I do every day) when I come across an article entitled "Tranny roadshow to stop in Bloomington". Well, if ever there is a heading that'll grab your attention, it's that one. So I read the article. Turns out the next night something called the Tranny Roadshow is appearing a local hipster bookstore. The article describes the roadshow as "six transgender performers bringing a range of talent including Dallas-Marie Spitzer, an acoustic folk-rock musician; Kit Yan, a slam poet; and Adelaide Windsome, a puppeteer who infuses politically charged viewpoints into her puppets." My curiousity is piqued.
The main purpose of the roadshow is to show and educate people about trannies. To demonstrate they have talents like everyone else. People of "unusual" sexual behavior or what-not are not uncommon in Bloomington, afterall it is the home of the/a Kinsey Institute. There is a sexual advice column in the paper called Kindsey Confidential. Whatever, if there is anything in this world I am not prudish about, it's sex.
I get on gmail chat and tell Coyote about this, something tells me this is right up his alley. Coyote tells me I have to go. I waver on it, Friday night is usually reserved from unwinding from the week, which involves eating takeout in my pajamas, not going out to a show. Coyote then berates and browbeats me. I carry on with a "maybe". Friday rolls around. I feel like I should go see the show, how often are you going to see something called the Tranny Roadshow. Starts at 8, I usually get off of work about 6 or 6:30. Now, one option I have is get my takeout and go home, eat it, and then go to the show. However, this is a bad idea. Thursday and Friday of last week were ungodly cold. Like minus digits cold. If I go home, I'm getting in the pajama's, and if I get in the pajama's there is no way I'm getting back out in the cold. So I turn to option two. Some coworkers of mine usually have dinner out on Friday nights. I'm invited sometimes, but usually I decline cause I'm an antisocial fuck. This night, however, I figure going out to dinner will be perfect. Keeps me out of home and by the time dinner is over it will be time for the show. My coworkers say they are going to a movie (Benjamin Button) after dinner and would I like to come. "No, I already have plans," I say. "Oh yeah, what?" they ask. "I'm going to see the Tranny Roadshow," I reply.
At this point in the precedings I was expecting a look of pure disdain/dismay/shock from them. Instead, a couple go "oh man, I'd rather go to that, I hate Brad Pitt." Well then. So not only am I going to the Tranny Roadshow, I'm conning coworkers into going to it with me. Well ok then.
We go to dinner at a brewhouse, which apparently means "place that serves pub fare and beer, but doesn't brew their own." I'm disappointed by the lack of homebrewed beer, but the burger is good. We sit around talking, me regaling them of tales I've Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters episodes. Suddenly it's 8:30 and we're late for the show. Fuck.
Some of walk down to the bookstore, it's only a few blocks away though apparently it's -140 degrees out. I saw an undergrad trip and shatter on the pavement. We get to the place and a guy outside with two studs in his bottom lip tells us that the place is packed, it's standing room only and any standing room has no view of performers. I'm shocked, who knew the Tranny Roadshow would be so popular. But screw that, I shall not be daunted. I didn't gear myself up for the Tranny Roadshow only to be denied this close. We push our way through the crowd at the door and get inside so we can thaw.
At this point I would like to remind you they are performing in a bookstore, not a venue usually designed for an audience. And it's not even a professional bookstore, it's a hipster bookstore. Which means old house with doors taken off the hinges and bookshelves propped against the walls. Kitchen converted into an office. The performance is going on in the main room/living room where there a couple dozen chairs. People are sitting in the chairs, standing behind the chairs, standing along the walls, standing in the foyer. We manage to squeeze through the people and get among the shelves in the front room and dining room. Cannot see anything. Even the doorway from the living room to the dining room is packed with people. The best I can do is stand beside these people and listen.
From here on out I am going to refer to all genders in quotation marks. I don't know what the genders were, sometimes I think I could tell, sometimes I could not. Truth is, I don't give a shit. That may seem callous of me given the purpose of the roadshow, but I feel the best response to an alternative lifestyle is one of apathy. Hey, you are different, I get that. More power to you. I don't give a shit. Live your life, I'll live mine. You're gay and want to move in next to me? Who fucking cares if you are gay, will you play music loudly at 3 AM? No? Fine, hello neighbor, now leave me alone. Apathy will save us all. But I'm getting away from the story. I might add it was a very interesting way to experience the tranny roadshow at the start, only being able to hear the person. I think so much of what we expect from trannies is visual, what they look like, that just being able to listen to them was very cool.
The first performer is a "woman" of apparently hispanic origin reading her poetry. The poetry is very angry, vaguely emo-ish. Yes no one understands you, I get it. I'm not terribly impressed, but it would take a lot to impress me. I've talked about it before, I don't get poetry. Almost all of it sounds like self-aggrandizing, overly-pretentious bullshit to me. But whatever, I listen, and occasionally there is a good turn of phrase.
The next performer comes on, introduced as the founder of the Roadshow, a fiddler from Maine. Fiddler? Awesome, bring it on, loves me some fiddle music. Person (sounds like a man) says "I'm going to do a spoken word piece for you." What? Awwwwwwww. Oh well. This person then goes on to tell a story partially involving a camping trip to Georgia with their "partner" that gets invaded by some drunken frat boys. Comedy ensues. And interesting message in the story is that masculinity seems to be tied to three things: power tools, alcohol, and penises. It's thought provoking; what exactly defines masculinity? The story is entertaining enough.
The third performer is a magician, who turns out her luggage was lost flying in from Iowa, so it'll be a short show, only the stuff she had in carry on. I'm ok with this as I can't see a damn thing, the magic show loses some appeal. About halfway through my friends decide to leave because they can't see anything. Frankly I'm impressed they lasted that long. They didn't have the same curiousity I did. But they tell me that I should come around to the foyer as I may be able to see something. The crowd there had thinned out a little and I'm taller than everyone, so I'm able to watch the rest of the roadshow from that vantage. The magician is doing really simple kids birthday party tricks. I'm serious, there was a chain of handkercheifs tied together being pulled out of a box. And you know what? It was killing! People were laughing and clapping. It's amazing how such simple tricks can still wow people. Something about magic.
The next performer comes on, the aforementioned Kit Yan, one half of the Good Asian Drivers, going to do some more spoken word. More spoken word? Blaaaaaaaaaaaaarg. Kit then performs the first piece, the majority of which can be seen here.
I'm blown away.
This "guy" is fucking awesome. "He's" funny and engaging and performs extremely well. "He then does another piece about penis standardization and government issued strap-ons, something I can get behind. As a person less than impressive in the penis area, I'm all in favor of standardization. Oh yeah, if you in any way squeamish about the word penis, the Tranny Roadshow is not for you. Anyways, Kit is awesome.
Then the last performer comes on, a "woman" strumming an out of tune guitar with a peace sticker on the body. "She" starts off saying "Ok people, what do you want to hear, come on, you've had all day to think about this." Starting off a set with this attitude is not a good approach I think. "She" sings one song, then does a spoken word piece (again with the spoken word, apparently being a Tranny Roadshow performer is carte blanche to reading your bad high school poetry) though it does start off with a great line: "I grew a beard because I couldn't grow tits." "She" then butchers a few more songs, screwing up each one at least once, usually a few times, having to pause to change keys or remember lyrics or answer "her" cell phone. I'm not at all impressed. "She" finishes up with a decent version of "Wagonwheel".
And that's it, the end of the Tranny Roadshow. I snag a free Good Asian Drivers stick from the merch table on the way out, walk through the sub-arctic temperatures to my car and go home. After all that writing, I guess it's sort of a let down of a story. You start off with promises of a Tranny Roadshow, you expect there to be something wild and crazy and out of the ordinary. Fraid not. But I went, so there we are.
Tim: What do you mean "her real name's Ian"?
Brian: She's non-gender-specific
Tim: Oh what, you mean like a tranny?
Brian: More than that.
Tim: What, a big fat tranny?
- Spaced
I shall now recount my evening among the trannies.
Thurday afternoon I was flipping through the school newspaper to get to the crossword and sudoku (which I do every day) when I come across an article entitled "Tranny roadshow to stop in Bloomington". Well, if ever there is a heading that'll grab your attention, it's that one. So I read the article. Turns out the next night something called the Tranny Roadshow is appearing a local hipster bookstore. The article describes the roadshow as "six transgender performers bringing a range of talent including Dallas-Marie Spitzer, an acoustic folk-rock musician; Kit Yan, a slam poet; and Adelaide Windsome, a puppeteer who infuses politically charged viewpoints into her puppets." My curiousity is piqued.
The main purpose of the roadshow is to show and educate people about trannies. To demonstrate they have talents like everyone else. People of "unusual" sexual behavior or what-not are not uncommon in Bloomington, afterall it is the home of the/a Kinsey Institute. There is a sexual advice column in the paper called Kindsey Confidential. Whatever, if there is anything in this world I am not prudish about, it's sex.
I get on gmail chat and tell Coyote about this, something tells me this is right up his alley. Coyote tells me I have to go. I waver on it, Friday night is usually reserved from unwinding from the week, which involves eating takeout in my pajamas, not going out to a show. Coyote then berates and browbeats me. I carry on with a "maybe". Friday rolls around. I feel like I should go see the show, how often are you going to see something called the Tranny Roadshow. Starts at 8, I usually get off of work about 6 or 6:30. Now, one option I have is get my takeout and go home, eat it, and then go to the show. However, this is a bad idea. Thursday and Friday of last week were ungodly cold. Like minus digits cold. If I go home, I'm getting in the pajama's, and if I get in the pajama's there is no way I'm getting back out in the cold. So I turn to option two. Some coworkers of mine usually have dinner out on Friday nights. I'm invited sometimes, but usually I decline cause I'm an antisocial fuck. This night, however, I figure going out to dinner will be perfect. Keeps me out of home and by the time dinner is over it will be time for the show. My coworkers say they are going to a movie (Benjamin Button) after dinner and would I like to come. "No, I already have plans," I say. "Oh yeah, what?" they ask. "I'm going to see the Tranny Roadshow," I reply.
At this point in the precedings I was expecting a look of pure disdain/dismay/shock from them. Instead, a couple go "oh man, I'd rather go to that, I hate Brad Pitt." Well then. So not only am I going to the Tranny Roadshow, I'm conning coworkers into going to it with me. Well ok then.
We go to dinner at a brewhouse, which apparently means "place that serves pub fare and beer, but doesn't brew their own." I'm disappointed by the lack of homebrewed beer, but the burger is good. We sit around talking, me regaling them of tales I've Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters episodes. Suddenly it's 8:30 and we're late for the show. Fuck.
Some of walk down to the bookstore, it's only a few blocks away though apparently it's -140 degrees out. I saw an undergrad trip and shatter on the pavement. We get to the place and a guy outside with two studs in his bottom lip tells us that the place is packed, it's standing room only and any standing room has no view of performers. I'm shocked, who knew the Tranny Roadshow would be so popular. But screw that, I shall not be daunted. I didn't gear myself up for the Tranny Roadshow only to be denied this close. We push our way through the crowd at the door and get inside so we can thaw.
At this point I would like to remind you they are performing in a bookstore, not a venue usually designed for an audience. And it's not even a professional bookstore, it's a hipster bookstore. Which means old house with doors taken off the hinges and bookshelves propped against the walls. Kitchen converted into an office. The performance is going on in the main room/living room where there a couple dozen chairs. People are sitting in the chairs, standing behind the chairs, standing along the walls, standing in the foyer. We manage to squeeze through the people and get among the shelves in the front room and dining room. Cannot see anything. Even the doorway from the living room to the dining room is packed with people. The best I can do is stand beside these people and listen.
From here on out I am going to refer to all genders in quotation marks. I don't know what the genders were, sometimes I think I could tell, sometimes I could not. Truth is, I don't give a shit. That may seem callous of me given the purpose of the roadshow, but I feel the best response to an alternative lifestyle is one of apathy. Hey, you are different, I get that. More power to you. I don't give a shit. Live your life, I'll live mine. You're gay and want to move in next to me? Who fucking cares if you are gay, will you play music loudly at 3 AM? No? Fine, hello neighbor, now leave me alone. Apathy will save us all. But I'm getting away from the story. I might add it was a very interesting way to experience the tranny roadshow at the start, only being able to hear the person. I think so much of what we expect from trannies is visual, what they look like, that just being able to listen to them was very cool.
The first performer is a "woman" of apparently hispanic origin reading her poetry. The poetry is very angry, vaguely emo-ish. Yes no one understands you, I get it. I'm not terribly impressed, but it would take a lot to impress me. I've talked about it before, I don't get poetry. Almost all of it sounds like self-aggrandizing, overly-pretentious bullshit to me. But whatever, I listen, and occasionally there is a good turn of phrase.
The next performer comes on, introduced as the founder of the Roadshow, a fiddler from Maine. Fiddler? Awesome, bring it on, loves me some fiddle music. Person (sounds like a man) says "I'm going to do a spoken word piece for you." What? Awwwwwwww. Oh well. This person then goes on to tell a story partially involving a camping trip to Georgia with their "partner" that gets invaded by some drunken frat boys. Comedy ensues. And interesting message in the story is that masculinity seems to be tied to three things: power tools, alcohol, and penises. It's thought provoking; what exactly defines masculinity? The story is entertaining enough.
The third performer is a magician, who turns out her luggage was lost flying in from Iowa, so it'll be a short show, only the stuff she had in carry on. I'm ok with this as I can't see a damn thing, the magic show loses some appeal. About halfway through my friends decide to leave because they can't see anything. Frankly I'm impressed they lasted that long. They didn't have the same curiousity I did. But they tell me that I should come around to the foyer as I may be able to see something. The crowd there had thinned out a little and I'm taller than everyone, so I'm able to watch the rest of the roadshow from that vantage. The magician is doing really simple kids birthday party tricks. I'm serious, there was a chain of handkercheifs tied together being pulled out of a box. And you know what? It was killing! People were laughing and clapping. It's amazing how such simple tricks can still wow people. Something about magic.
The next performer comes on, the aforementioned Kit Yan, one half of the Good Asian Drivers, going to do some more spoken word. More spoken word? Blaaaaaaaaaaaaarg. Kit then performs the first piece, the majority of which can be seen here.
I'm blown away.
This "guy" is fucking awesome. "He's" funny and engaging and performs extremely well. "He then does another piece about penis standardization and government issued strap-ons, something I can get behind. As a person less than impressive in the penis area, I'm all in favor of standardization. Oh yeah, if you in any way squeamish about the word penis, the Tranny Roadshow is not for you. Anyways, Kit is awesome.
Then the last performer comes on, a "woman" strumming an out of tune guitar with a peace sticker on the body. "She" starts off saying "Ok people, what do you want to hear, come on, you've had all day to think about this." Starting off a set with this attitude is not a good approach I think. "She" sings one song, then does a spoken word piece (again with the spoken word, apparently being a Tranny Roadshow performer is carte blanche to reading your bad high school poetry) though it does start off with a great line: "I grew a beard because I couldn't grow tits." "She" then butchers a few more songs, screwing up each one at least once, usually a few times, having to pause to change keys or remember lyrics or answer "her" cell phone. I'm not at all impressed. "She" finishes up with a decent version of "Wagonwheel".
And that's it, the end of the Tranny Roadshow. I snag a free Good Asian Drivers stick from the merch table on the way out, walk through the sub-arctic temperatures to my car and go home. After all that writing, I guess it's sort of a let down of a story. You start off with promises of a Tranny Roadshow, you expect there to be something wild and crazy and out of the ordinary. Fraid not. But I went, so there we are.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
He wasn't a number
In a sad follow up to my previous post, it appears that Patrick McGoohan has died. Perhaps this should go in my other blog, but I want to put it here. Patrick McGoohan was the star of The Prisoner television series which is perhaps his most famous role. However, we shouldn't overlook some of the other major roles he had. He played King William the Longshanks in Braveheart, the lead in the famous British spy series Danger Man, the villian Roger Devereau in the little known but excellent Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor comedy Silver Streak, and the spy David Jones in Ice Station Zebra, a film perhaps best known for being the object of obsession of Howard Hughes after he went batshit insane. It is an excellent cold war paranoia film.
For those interested, all 17 episodes of The Prisoner can be viewed here, legally and for free.
Patrick McGoohan had style. He had his own sensibilities and stuck to them. If producers or directors or what have you wanted him to compromise, he told them to piss off. I have nothing but respect for Patrick McGoohan. The world will miss you, sir.
For those interested, all 17 episodes of The Prisoner can be viewed here, legally and for free.
Patrick McGoohan had style. He had his own sensibilities and stuck to them. If producers or directors or what have you wanted him to compromise, he told them to piss off. I have nothing but respect for Patrick McGoohan. The world will miss you, sir.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I didn't know my friends were so poetic
I've been emailing back and forth with a friend of mine in Georgia, still toiling away in grad school. We normally trade emails every few months, but the past couple days she's been bugging me. I mentioned that I have a crush on the cute stockroom girl, and my friend is goading me into asking her out. She asked me if I had asked CSG out yet, and I reply that it took me 3 months to ask her name. I need time to work up to asking out. My friend replies, and I'm quoting here:
"C'mon man! Rip off the band-aid, pull your nuts out of your taint, and ask her to join you for lunch or something!"
Pull your nuts out of your taint. You really have to love that line. It has the perfect combination of medieval stylized properness and blunt vulgarity.
Additionally, I googled that phrase to see if she had pulled it from somewhere (she didn't) and it returned quite a few interesting results. Such as "what's the perfect way to wipe your ass?" and "shaving your balls is harder than most other body parts".
Yeah, I didn't know my afternoon was going to go there either.
"C'mon man! Rip off the band-aid, pull your nuts out of your taint, and ask her to join you for lunch or something!"
Pull your nuts out of your taint. You really have to love that line. It has the perfect combination of medieval stylized properness and blunt vulgarity.
Additionally, I googled that phrase to see if she had pulled it from somewhere (she didn't) and it returned quite a few interesting results. Such as "what's the perfect way to wipe your ass?" and "shaving your balls is harder than most other body parts".
Yeah, I didn't know my afternoon was going to go there either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
