Ok, here is the situation as it stands. I joined eHarmony a couple weeks ago. I started a conversation with what seems to be a very nice woman, herein referred to as Very Nice Woman. Conversation progresses very slowly, but it progresses still.
Last week, I get bored and go check out Match.com on a lark. While browsing said website I come across the woman of my dreams, herein referred to as Woman of My Dreams. I proceed to spend the next couple days all moony-like, waiting for Woman of My Dreams to reply to my very bold and forward email. Woman of My Dreams finally responds to my email, stating basically what I thought, that she was very flattered by my email but also a little overwhelmed as well. However, she does not reject me outright, so there is hope. I send her an email back yesterday, chatting about what I do, trying to be funny, most likely looking like a crazy fucker and generally trying to hard. I have yet to hear back from her.
Yesterday I also get an email from Very Nice Woman telling me that she's dropping her sister off in Bloomington next weekend and would like to meet me. It is very obvious that Very Nice Woman is interested in me.
So now what do I do? Do I progress with Very Nice Woman while still waiting to see what happens with Woman of My Dreams? Do I tell Very Nice Woman about Woman of My Dreams, even though I already told her I'm a "one person at a time kind of person" which would make me look like a liar and a jerk? Scratch that, I wouldn't like like a liar and a jerk. I AM a liar and a jerk. Unsurprisingly, I spend most of my time thinking about Woman of My Dreams, but if that doesn't work out I'd hate to lose my chance at obviously-interested-in-me Very Nice Woman. Part of me thinks I could just keep things on the down low and see how they work out, but the larger part of me wants to tell everyone how it is because I hate...HATE...hiding things.
So, in a very short space of time my life went from being quiet and boring to sort of quiet and very complicated and confusing. On top of that, I spent all day Sunday in bed in a diabetic shock trying not to slip into a coma. So all in all, it's not been a pleasant weekend.
If there is any positive side to this, it's the fact that my love life should now be a potent source of entertainment to the readers of my blog who are A) married or B) abhor interpersonal relationships. So at least my misery should be fun for other people.
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16 comments:
Well, it does seem the best humor comes out of pain (see pretty much any comedian, but Richard Pryor comes to mind. Ever seen him talking about the crack pipe setting him on fire? Some funny shtuff. RIP.)
But we also wish you the absolute best. I'd get more mushy on you, but I don't want to. So there.
Keep it on the down low, if you were to ask me. People that do Match and those types of thing expect to start talking to several different people. Personally, I don't see it as cheating, or not being a one woman guy. Are you dating her? I don't see it from what you've said.
Just my humble opinion.
But good luck. Oh, and don't put yourself in to diabetic shock/coma anymore. That's supposedly bad for your health.
New rule: no more medical emergencies unless they are approved by me in advance. Clear? Good.
Anyway, like I said before, there's nothing wrong or in the smallest way immoral about talking to multiple people while utilizing matchmaking sites. That's kind of the point. Telling a woman you're a one at a time guy is fine and actually being a one at a time guy is great but it only comes into play when you agree to be exclusive with someone. Up until that point nothing you do is wrong and really it's none of her business anyway.
If you want to tell her then that's perfectly fine too. I'm sure she's talked to several people while using the site. Again, that's the point. Don't lock yourself into some mental struggle where you're a bad person for wanting to explore options. You have to explore options. How else will you know you've made the right choice in the end?
I suggest doing the meet and greet and just being yourself. Don't try to impress or act in any way different than you would if, say, you were hanging out with one of us. Just, y'know, be.
Well, Woman of My Dreams has yet to reply to me and I emailed her early yesterday, which does not bode well. I've seen her on match.com a couple times now, which means she's been online but hasn't replied to my email. I'm losing faith in that situation, which sucks, cause, you know, woman of my dreams and all. Of course, I may be overreacting, my conversation with Very Nice Woman would often go a couple days between emails.
I just have to prepare myself for disappointment. All I've got to offer is my unconditional love, and that's plainly obvious. If that's not good enough, well, I can't do better than that.
Okay, dude, seriously, you need to chill.
You are a one woman man. That doesn't mean that there's one woman in your life at any given time. That means that there is one woman with whom you are seriously romantically involved at any given time.
You are not seriously romantically involved with either of these women yet. You're not even dating either of these women yet.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to both of them in order to find out who they are and where things might go with them. There's also nothing wrong with dating both of them while you find out who you have more fun with, who you connect more with, etc.
That's how dating works.
If and when things start getting serious with one of them (or someone else besides), then you stop dating other people. I've been on both ends of this. It can suck, and it can be okay. I've been on both sides of that equation, too.
I even talked to my wife about this to make sure I'm not insane, and she assures me that the best breakup she ever had was from a guy who she'd been seeing casually, and who actually had the balls to tell her, "I think things might go somewhere with this other girl, so I can't see you any more." She was disappointed because he was a nice guy. Doubly so because he was man enough to handle it that way. But she respected it and moved on.
Not everybody is understanding about that. Fuck them. Whatever.
The fact that you're obsessing with guilt here is really telling. I think you're placing way too much importance on the relationships you have with these women right now. You're investing far too much of yourself into it. Dude. You're not seriously involved with either of them yet. Don't get carried away. It'll get there if and when it gets there, and then you start dating exclusively.
There's nothing to hide, so don't. If it comes up, you talk about it. Yeah, I'm seeing a couple of people, seeing where things go. You don't go greeting people on your first date with, "Hi, I'm fett, and I'm goddamn awesome, and I'm dating someone else." (You do greet them with "Hi, I'm fett, and I'm goddamn awesome." Or just have them call me so I can tell them. Nobody finds that creepy. Ever.) But you don't hide from it or act ashamed of it if it comes up. When you're dating casually, you're dating casually.
Now. If I ever hear of this diabetic shock and coma business again, I'm going to pile into my broke ass piece of shit car, drive out to Indiana, and plant a boot so far up your ass we'll be visiting the oral surgeon, mister. Don't ever scare me like that again.
I think I'm becoming less crazy. Mainly because I'm just getting fed up with worrying. Woman of My Dreams still hasn't emailed me back, but nothing I can do about it. Told Very Nice Woman I'd meet her.
The thing is, I didn't get that there were levels to dating. That it's ok to just check people out and kick it around. Didn't know that was socially acceptable. Now I do. This is what happens when you don't start dating until you're nearly 30. 12 year olds know more about this shit than I do. One more reason I suck.
And to set the record straight, here was the gist of the conversation with Very Nice Woman
VNW: Haha, 25 contact closures in one day, I'm on a roll!
Me: Oh, you're talking to multiple people at once? That's cool. I'm only talking to one person at a time because the thought of meeting more than one new person at a time terrifies me.
VNW: Oh, no, I close most of my contacts, in fact you're the only one I'm really talking to at the moment.
So I specifically told her I was only talking to one person at a time during this process (not dating, just talking) and then I went and talked to someone else. So I really am a liar.
But I'm not worrying about that much anymore. Partly because I am losing hope for Woman of My Dreams, partly because of the increased apathy.
Also, I think it'd be absolutely hilarious if I were to give these women a list of your phone numbers and say "these are my references. Please call them, they can attest to my awesomeness."
My usual acerbic lack of wit aside, you fucking rock. I think you're a fantastic human being, and that's high praise indeed coming from me. You just need to settle down and be awesome without worrying about it so much. People will (and, might I add, do) figure out how awesome you are.
Especially if you stop avoiding them :)
Re: the references, one of my friends asked me to write him a letter of recommendation years ago when he was applying for a job. I dropped off the letter at his house so he could look it over before mailing it.
As a joke, I wrote two... a normal one, and one which basically read:
"Dear Sir, or Madam:
[insert name] is the mack daddy, the daddy mack, and all the bitches and hos love him. Hire him as soon as humanly possible.
Love,
-Taco"
He mailed the wrong one by mistake. He got the job, thankfully... I'm not sure how I'd have dealt with the guilt if he hadn't :)
You sure it was a mistake that he sent it?
And Fett, you should totally give out the phone numbers as references. Hell, I've never met you and I'd attest to your awesomeness.
"So what do you think of Fett?"
"The epitome of awesome."
"So how long have you known him?"
"Oh, a couple of years."
"And where did you meet him?"
"Um....meet?"
Bah. He's been in my bed. I win. Begone, plebians.
You're just jealous I got fett in the sack.
/cry
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I was waiting for that.
Am I hearing that all it takes is a little whining to get some fett love? Sweet!
Oh, and *whine*
I've been in Taco's bed with both of them. I win.
I think that from now on, in the unlikely event that I ever get involved again, I will present the prospective mate before you lot and then leave, allowing you to do your thing. I will return several hours later to hear and abide by your judgment.
"allowing you to do your thing"
You mean you want to drive prospective mates insane?
Wait... drive them insane? Do you mean to imply that they come in another flavor?
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