Da Mihi Castitatem

First posted 8-17-07

Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo.
- St. Augustine

Literally translated: "Give to me chastity and continence, but I am unwilling just now."
Colloquilism: "Give me chastity and continence, but not right now."

So after canonizing Inga yesterday I started reading up on some saints. I particularly like St. Augustine. In addition to having that awesome quote, he is the patron saint of brewers. My kind of saint.

Anyways, I've decided that we need more saints up in here. So I am going to canonize some folks. I can do it, cause I'm Pope. I particularly love the rights of the Pope, especially number 5.

The rights of a Pope include but are not necessarily limited to:

1. To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively.
2. To completely rework the Erisian church.
3. To baptise, bury, and marry (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases).
4. To ex-communicate, de-ex-communicate, re-ex-communicate, and de-re-ex-communicate (no backsies!) both his-/her-/it-/them-/your-/our-/His-/Her-/It-/Them-/Your-/Our-self/selves and others (if any).
5. To perform all rites and functions deemed inappropriate for a Pope of Discordia.

So let's get some canonization going on up in here.

We've already established that Inga is St. Inga of the Brokenhearted, patron saint of Losers, Love Children, Good-Looking Hookers, Shiny Things, and Windsurfing. Now here are some more.

Taco is St. Billy the Pantless, patron saint of computer programmers, drunken Irishmen bearing shillelagh's, and people who go about without pants.

Coyote is St. Collins the Abrupt, patron saint of librarians, fainting goats and Monica Bellucci (you wish)

My friend James is St. James the Red, patron saint of tinkerers, repairmen and poor spellers.

And of course, yours truly is St. Patrick the Depressed, patron saint of film critics, the mentally ill, and large breasted women (I wish)

Addendum: I would also like to take this oppurtunity to publically deplore the state of the American viewers taste in movies. Best Buy has 40 copies of American Pie: the Naked Mile but no copies of The Americanization of Emily. It also had 50 copies of Stomp the Yard but no copies of Network. At least I was able to get the Muppets season 2 and the newly released Kenneth Branaugh version of Hamlet, which I love but have pretty much never heard anyone else speak favorably of. But screw em.

Now...TO AMAZON! To purchase the Americanization of Emily and, because I've wanted to for a while, A Dirty Shame.

	Posted by fett @ 08/20/2007 01:29 PM PDT
	Unfortunately Bloomington is about half a horse from being a one-horse town so I don't get much choice when it comes to entertainment purchases. This is why God gave the cavemen Amazon

	Posted by Inga @ 08/20/2007 11:38 AM PDT
	Oops, I forgot to put my name in the above comment there. The video/music store in my town just got switched to an FYE, what-what! And I am also the Goddess-Empress of Spatulania. "I don't quite know how to put this, but... I'm kind of a big deal. People.. know me."

	Posted by Coyote @ 08/17/2007 06:16 PM PDT
	I'm also the god of wiener dogs, tiny pants and areolae. Seriously. I can't bring myself to say anything good about Branagh because he always comes off as such a smug prick that I am immediately filled with hatred of him. I will give grudging props to him for not abbreviating the work like most everyone else does. Still, smug prick. Also, I never go to Best Buy. Go to places like Suncoast or FYE or something that specializes. They tend to cost more but the selection is much much better. Shit, the FYE I go to has an entire section dedicated to Criterion editions. And finally, we Discordians have to stick apart. Hail Eris.

	Posted by Name @ 08/17/2007 02:32 PM PDT
	NOW what we need to do is find a place that will make your own little saint statues for each of us. (My own action figure! At last!) And then we can mount them (hehe, i said "mount") on little stands with our titles underneath! GO!!!