Les Barker Week, Day 3

First posted 9-26-07

"Administerium and the Science of Unclear Physics"

The element of Administerium originally had no protons, no electrons, and only one neutron
But it grew
And now has five deputy neutrons, seventeen vice neutrons, a hundred and twenty deputy vice neutrons
And five hundred clerical neutrons too

It grew by attracting morons
Particles which tend to group
Often in pairs called scrotons
Which are often found floating in soup

But to speak of particles pairing
Is tautological so to speak
As the literal meaning of "particle" is "part of a testicle"
It's greek

Greek is the language of science
As you may well realize
As in paramedics who give general first aid
And parabolics who specialize

Administerium has a half life of two years
But does not decay, it's been found
That it holds regular reviews
During which the vice neutrons move 'round

Their motion follows the Theory of Relativity
Which as you will also realize
States the neutrons related to the ones at the top
Are the ones most likely to rise

The moron too is active
And can find a higher place on
Rolling up it's trouser leg
At which point it becomes a Mason

At these times there are constant collisions
Moron against moron will knock
Creating what is known as Kinuseless Energy
And one ion: the ion-the-clock

Administerium expands to fill space and time
And having filled each dimension
Is said to have reached it's Critical Mess
Time taken been inefficient of expansion

One property of Administerium
Observed since man first found it
Is it's relationship with the element Conclusium
It moves in an orbit around it

And the rate at which it approaches
Is halved during each of its half lives
So that every two years it gets halfway there
But never actually arrives

This inert nature of Administerium
Has already briefly been harped on
It belongs with the other inert gasses
Tedium, Xerox, Strollon, Writeon, Crappedon

It's infinite capacity for reflection and retraction
For rendering all things unable
Was discovered by Mendeleev
The man who once said "I've got a period table"

It is a catalyst for the zinc without trace elements
Antipathy, bismal
And more with compounds like calcium hibernate
And ammonia tillhalfpastfour

It has created new concepts in maths
Pie R-squared in the sky
No to the power of 10
Or in chemical terms, not bloody alkali

The first law of Unclear Physics
As the study of this element is known
Is that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
Just saved till it's time to go home

This sudden flow of energy first noted
In Mendeleev's articles
Was at first thought to be the release of travel ions
But is in fact a stream of accelerated farticles

The second law of Unclear Physics
Is that like busses attract
And by the time they achieve linear motion
They are all completely packed

This concept of magnetism in busses
And their grouping in sixes or more
Is usually refered to in Unclear Physics as
Going Ohms Law

The third and final law states
No matter how much energy you spend
No process involving Administerium
Is ever going to