Les Barker Week, Final Day

First posted 9-28-07

"Oh...there's....a....monkey in my pocket
And he's stealing all my change
His stare is blank and glassy
I suspect that he's deranged!"
- Curse of Monkey Island

So, as I discussed with Inga, I have a new plan to find a mate. I'm going to go up to every woman I meet and say "I'm selling these fine leather jackets" and the first one that knows what I'm talking about I will propose to on the spot.

Though in all seriousness, I've been feeling pretty damn lonely lately. I think some aspect of my breakup has snuck up on me that I didn't see coming. I look at women these days and one of the first things I check is the ring finger (which is usually occupied).

I've had a number of people suggest that I try one of those dating sites. There doesn't seem to be as much social stigma with them as there used to be, and it worked for Pam. But I don't know. Something about it sets me on edge. It's like you're admitting defeat. Or desperation. Or a desperate defeat. It just seems weird to me that you would go out without someone with the express purpose of judging whether they would make a good mate or not. I kind of think things shouldn't work like that. That you shouldn't have to look and judge a person on those merits, that if you spark with someone you spark with them. It's like, if you go looking for a miracle you will never find out. Miracles happen when you don't look for them.

On the other hand I get the feeling I am being just terribly naive about the whole thing.

But I do feel I have something to offer damnit. There may not be many good things about my person, but there is lots of love to give. I AM WORTH SOMETHING. KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!

ahem

Anyways....

This is the very first Les Barker poem I heard, and I thought it was just so clever. I think it's still one of my favorites.

"An Infinite Number of Occasional Tables"

I've got an occasional table
There it is over there
You can tell it's an occasional table
Today's its day off, it's a chair

I've got an occasional table
I can't seem to get it to settle
It's all been a bit unexpected
I thought I was buying a kettle

I took it upstairs on the bus
I always get the bus back from town
It was then it turned into a wardrobe
Took six of us to get it back down

I've got an occasional table
But some of the time I've not
I always rush me dinner
You never know how long you've got

I think I might have another
It skews the element of doubt
It's the kind of occasional table
That's only in when you're out

I thought if I had two they might breed
I'd really quite fancy a set
But with them both being occasional
I don't think they've actually met

I've got some occasional tables
I'm never quite sure where they are
I'd quite like to have a settie
But so far they've not gone so far

I think therefore I am
All we believe stems from this
Except my occasional table
Which only occasionally is

Perhaps there's a parallel universe
Where they all go to live quite a lot
Where they're called usual tables
And only occasionally not

An infinite number of occasional tables
Well then sure there was always one there
I've got an occasional table
Look, here it is, it's a chair

Posted by Inga @ 10/01/2007 02:34 PM PDT
Lol. That's a good one Coyot. But usually true. You know, dating sites might be fun..? If you approach it with a "whatever, I got nothing better to do, and if nothing else I'm sure I'll come out of this with a funny story or two to tell my friends" kind of attitude, it should be fine. They have dating sites for different interests, too. Like for people who love yoga, there's one called veggie date for vegetarians, lol. Haven't looked at that one but I can only imagine. Then there's your standard match.com and eharmony might not be bad. Although when I went on there once (I joined for a month because I was lured by extensive personality tests which I love) I didn't find anyone in my age group, but whatev. Or maybe like, forums or online communities you enjoy where people have similar interests might be a good place to start as well? I'll tell you what my gay friend Richard told me when he was convincing me to join Match (which I have since left but am considering trying again because before I just didn't feel like dealing with it).. You might as well try it to have something of a dating life. At least you're going out and doing things. If that doesn't work there's always black magic. (Don't even think about sending that shit this way, or you will live to regret it, boy.) Excuse me! Don't know where that came from... K bye! *skippety flip, flippety skip*

	Posted by Coyote @ 09/29/2007 01:34 PM PDT
	Perhaps you should try having nothing to offer and not being worth anything at all. That's what they seem to prefer in my experience.