"The amazing Mastertool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries has instructed who, me, to tell you about the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool and dontcha want to know how it works? Take two ordinary apples. Place them between the patented pans, then reach for the kitchen tool that's not a slicer, it's not a dicer, it's not a chopper in a hopper. What in the hell could it possibly be? SLEDGEAMATIC!"
- Gallager
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you....
LES BARKER WEEK!
Yes, each day this week I will be posting a poem from my favorite poet (one of perhaps two poets that I like like), Les Barker.
Les Barker is a comic poet from Manchester, England. He got an economics degree, but now spends his time writing comic poems, comic song parodies, and serious songs of an anti-war bent (he was doing so long before the current war, so he's an old school pacifist) and performing them at folk fairs around England. You can find more about him (and purchase a few CD's yeah?) here and here
Of course, the written word just doesn't do the spoken word albums justice. JUST BUY SOME FRIGGEN CD'S OK? MAYBE HE'LL MAKE SOME MORE THEN.
Also, James, you have my entire Les Barker collection on mp3 and if you haven't listened to them yet I will buy a special gun to shoot you.
And this one is more a free form poem, most of them are very well rhymed and such.
"Detritus"
Go placidly amid the noise and haste
And remember what peace there may be in silence
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk in front for I may not follow
Go over there somewhere
Speak your truth quietly and clearly
Be open-minded, but do not lean forward or your brain may fall out
Know that there will be good days and there will be bad days
And this is one of them
Always dismantle and clean the dog before going to bed
But avoid the use of spot remover, you may never see him again
You are a child of the universe
It is a small world unless you have to paint it
Do not wish for everything unless you have a really big cupboard
Avoid loud and aggresive persons
Sleep well
If you cannot sleep well, practice more often
Borrow from pessimists, they don't expect it back
Remember if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day
Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink himself stupid
It is always darkest before the dawn
That is the time to steal your neighbors newspaper
Be gentle with yourself
Bear in mind that depression is anger without enthusiasm
And good health merely the slowest way to die
Never argue with a fool for he is doing the same
Know that if at first you don't succeed sky-diving's not a good idea
And that timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance
Always remember that all is not lost
Though I haven't seen it for some time
Be yourself
If you cannot become wiser try to be older
Never stand between the dog and the lamppost
And never hit a man with glasses
Always use something bigger and heavier
And remember that some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them
A closed mouth gathers no feet
Nature abhors a vacuum cleaner
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy
And remember that your sole purpose in life is to serve a warning to others
Go far
And start as soon as possible
 | Posted by Coyote @ 09/24/2007 06:38 PM PDT | |
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