Perhaps you were expecting some surprise

First posted 4-23-07
"Perhaps you were expecting some surprise, for me to reveal a secret that had eluded you, something that would change your perspective of events, shatter you to your core. There is no great revelation, no great secret. There is only you."
- Knights of the Old Republic II

The weekend was filled with highs and lows. Except the highs weren't that high, but the lows were really low. Started off with me succeeding in defending my dissertation, so now I'm two signatures away from being a real "doctor". That is supposed to be high. But really, it's not. People act like it's supposed to be this huge sense of accomplishment or relief.

But it's not.

I am the same person today that I was a few days ago.

The largest change I feel is a slight relaxation. I don't have that stress hanging over me. Now I just have new stress. Need to make corrections, need to finish up that last experiment, need to start other experiments for the papers, need to do jury duty, need to deal with graduation, and family when they come down for graduation. Need to find a place to life. Need to hire movers. Need to break my lease. Need to find money for everything.

I nearly broke up with my girlfriend this weekend. We had a huge row. In fact, we nearly broke up twice. Somehow we held it together and things are patching. But we are in this sort of post-argument weirdness. As with most things she had a point, and I had a point. Dating someone is hard. Dating someone "online" is harder. Dating someone online as your first relationship is suicidal. I'm built for hermetige. I don't know how I ended up like this.

But yeah, that was the really low point of the weekend. Some people might think "man, what a shitty way to spend what should be a really happy weekend". Meh. It is what it is. I'm less bothered about that than almost losing the woman I love.

Aaaaaaanyways. Need to get life back on an even keel. Too much swinging around, like a boom not tied down. We must be cool. Like the Fonz. I am a rock, I am an iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisland.

I need to get to June. Pronto.

Holy shit, the emo stuff is back. Must....go...cut...myself....a slice of roast beef.

	Posted by Coyote @ 04/23/2007 06:57 PM PDT
	Always remember, it's not emo if the misery is real. Anyway, mega-congrats on the defense thingy. Obviously I knew all along that you'd breeze through. Also, you'll often find that the highs are never really as high as you thought they'd be. No idea why but such is life. I'll give you lots of mansex if that'll help but again, not as high as you'd think...