Les Barker Week, Day 4

First posted 9-27-07

I hereby will assign each song from the Ramsay Midwood album I am listening to to a friend or myself. It is a description of you. If you don't like it, tough.

Popular Delusions and the Madness of Cows:

1. Ringmaster - Taco
2. I Told You So - Blue
3. Planet Nixon - me
4. Withered Yellow Rose - Damo
5. Jesus is #1 - no idea
6. Boxwine Ruth E - Inga
7. Rattlesnake - Suyupi, just because
8. Weary Head - all my peeps still toiling down in Georgia
9. Prozac - me (duh)
10. When God Dips His Pen - I'd say this is Coyote but I don't want him thinking he's God (anymore than he already does)

And today's Les Barker poem. This one is a little better heard than read, and it has a couple in-jokes for the brits that I don't get, but I still love this one. Especially about Moses sawing women in two.

"Moses"

Moses worked as a building contractor
For the world famous pharoah, Ben Hur
Building barrack pyramids
Brick built in the old Georgian, they were

But he dreamt of the promised land
Rolling hills and pastoral scenes
We shall build us a home in the wilderness
Lo...Milton Keanes

And though the Israelites wanted to go
The Egyptians said they must stop
"We can tell you haven't finished
It don't come to a point at the top"

"Oh come on," said Moses in anger
Hopping up and down on a Sphinx
"Or I'll call down the wrath of the Almighty.
And drop camel turds in your drinks."

"You can't frighten us," they told Moses
Till he showed them what he could do
He turned his staff into a snake
And sawed a few women in two

Felled them with a couple of card tricks
With aces concealed in his togs
And then announced his finale
"Tomorrow it's going to rain frogs"

"Oh come on," they said, but it happened
For Moses was one of the greats
"Tomorrow you're in for some pestilence."
"Sod off," they said. "You and your mates."

Pharoah's army followed them to the Red Sea shore
Where they stood with their backs to the lake
Moses held his staff out over the water
And the bastard turned into a snake

"It always does that," said Moses
Dropping his asp to the ground
He tried a few times, but it still didn't work
So they had to walk all the way around

For weeks they followed behind him
Nothing but rocks and sand
Not so much as a little chef
"Oi, where's this Promised Land?"

"Keep your hair on, Aaron.
I've been following a burning bush."
It wasn't much of a story
But it stopped him from getting the push

All his people had headaches
They'd wandered 40 days and nights
So they sent Moses off for some tablets
In search of Timothy Whites

He'd hardly set out on the mountain
When God was there, stood in his way
Just like Charleton Heston but older
And less prone to error, they say

Well he had a few tablets on him
And together they went through them all
"You can have them in slate or in granite.
They look really nice on the wall."

"This bit about coveting me neighbors ass?
That one seems a bit odd.
I don't see the point," said Moses
"You've not been to Sodom," said God

"Now I'll make you my chosen people."
Said God in his shining white cloak
"Circumcision of course is compulsory."
God always liked a good joke.

"Is this Candid Camera," thought Moses
"They'll think I'm really a prat
I fooled 'em with a bush
But there's no way I'll get them with that."

So Moses came down from the mountain
The people said, "where have you been?"
"I have spoken with the Lord," he said
"We're down to ten but adultery's still in."

"I have made with him a covenenent."
Said Moses, feeling silly
"You will be the chosen people
But you've got to chop the end off your willy."

"No skin off my nose," said Moses
But the lads took it all rather hard.
"Seems a bit over the top.
Can't we just have a membership card?"

"I mean, does it get you in night clubs?
Is it something you show at the door?
You can't put it in cash dispensers
You can't remix it all sore." (not sure about that line)

So they all said adieu to their foreskins
In an orgy of circumcisions
And then they went back to Moses
"Any more great management decisions?"

"We'll go to Gaza and then we'll turn left."
And today by the Jordan they toil
And if only poor Moses had carried straight on
They'd be the ones with the oil

Posted by Inga @ 09/28/2007 07:51 PM PDT
Omg send me the lyrics right now-uh! Wait let me guess. This Ruth chick is a whore, right? WHAT AM I TO YOU? HUH? NO, I WANNA KNOW! WHAT AM I... TO YOU. Don't answer that.

	Posted by Coyote @ 09/27/2007 06:01 PM PDT
	I don't think I'm God! I only think I'm A god. Totally not the same.